Goodbye, Daddy
by chelseyb
Summary: In the end, she can only think of one thing to say to her father when he's gone forever. Oneshot, DH, canon compliant. Rating for language.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything in the world of Harry Potter. Merely playing with JK Rowling's world a bit.

**Author's Note: **Present day is near the end of DH, though flashbacks date back to the First War & continue through DH. Rating for a wee bit of language. Canon compliant.**  
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><p><strong>Goodbye, Daddy<strong>

She runs a hand over the curve of her belly, turning to the side to see just how large it is in the reflection of the mirror. Four more weeks. In the beginning, nine months seemed like an eternity, but it's nearly over. Her breasts are larger, and her feet are beginning to swell at times, but other than that her pregnancy is only obvious in her stomach. She's lucky, her mother tells her. She looks into the mirror and wishes she felt lucky.

"_Daddy, Daddy!" Dora cried, running from tree to tree on legs that never had a chance to be chubby with her hyperactivity. "Look how many I have!" She held up her basket, beaming._

"_Wow, Dora!" her father exclaimed, easily lifting her into his arms as he glanced into the pink wicker basket. "You found all the Easter eggs all by yourself. That's my smart girl."_

_Dora giggled as he lifted her even higher over his head. She loved riding on his shoulders, able to see above anyone she knew, taller than Mummy even. She was lucky her daddy was the strongest man ever and could carry her with no problem._

_Dora waved excitedly at her mother as they grew near. "Mummy, look at my eggs! And Daddy didn't help me at all!" _

"_That's wonderful, sweetheart," her mother replied with a fond smile as Dora was carefully lowered to the ground. "Are you cold? Your cheeks are red."_

"_No, Mummy." She shook her head emphatically, pink pigtails bouncing, knowing that cold meant going indoors. "Can I open an egg and eat the candy? Just one." She held out two plastic eggs in slightly dirty hands. "You and Daddy can have one, too," she added generously._

"_I don't think one piece of candy will hurt," Daddy said, taking the seat next to Mummy as he opened a few of the eggs. Dora climbed onto his lap and took the chocolate eagerly, holding her hand out for another despite her promise of 'just one.' She was immediately rewarded._

_Her mother tried to look stern, though an indulgent smile threatened to show. "You spoil her, Ted."_

"_It's what fathers are for, Dromeda," he replied, ruffling Dora's hair as she grinned, chocolate already smeared on her face. "I can't help myself. I've the most beautiful wife and the most perfect daughter, all to myself. I'm the luckiest man in the world."_

She sighs as her gaze moves upwards. She doesn't know if it's stress, the fact that she can't call her body her own anymore, or the lack of sleep, but dark circles have taken up permanent residence under her eyes. If she wasn't so bone tired, she might be tempted to use makeup for the first time in her life. But it's all she can do to brush her hair.

Remus walks in the door. "It's time," he says, holding out her cloak. "Take this. It's cold outside."

She accepts it without a word, though inwardly she's confused. Isn't it supposed to be almost spring? But March weather is notoriously unpredictable, nearly as unpredictable as her hair used to be. She glances at the mirror again as she fastens the cloak, dark eyes tracing the path of her mousy brown hair. She couldn't change it if she tried, but for once she doesn't mind.

"_Dora? Why are you up so early?" Her father entered the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee and taking a seat next to her at the table._

"_Couldn't sleep."_

_He adopted an overly astonished expression. "Who are you and what have you done with my daughter? I haven't seen you out of bed before noon since you came home."_

"_It's summer, Dad," she replied with a roll of her eyes, all teenage attitude. "I'm seventeen. I'm supposed to sleep late."_

"_I reckon that's true. Which makes it all the more suspicious that you're awake at the crack of dawn." He peered at her over the edge of his mug as he took a sip, his blue eyes more curious than accusing. "Dare I ask if you've even been in your bed yet? You may be of age now, but you know your mother and I still expect you to tell us when you're going out and to be home by curfew."_

"_I haven't been anywhere all night. I just couldn't sleep, so I made myself some hot chocolate. Do I really have to undergo the Spanish Inquisition? Geez." Tonks refrained from rolling her eyes again. Why did parents feel they had to know everything? She drained her cup and stood to leave. "I'm going back to my room now. If I don't see you before you leave, have a good day."_

"_Dora, sit down."_

_Tonks paused in the doorway, recognizing that it wasn't a request. No stranger to flaunting authority, she considered simply ignoring her father, but in the end she shrugged and returned to her seat. She wasn't in the mood for an argument. "What?" she ground out._

"_Nymphadora. Could you please try to remember that I am your father and deserve at least a modicum of respect? You used to like me."_

_Tonks bit back a retort. She'd already been grounded once that summer. "I do like you, Dad. I'd like you more if you called me Tonks like everyone else has for the last six years."_

_He smiled. "Forgive me if I find it foolish to call my daughter by our surname. Now, what's going on? Can't sleep, a rather magnificent pout on your face, and don't think I haven't noticed a distinct lack of bright color in your hair."_

_Bloody mood hair. "I don't want to talk about it, Dad."_

"_Well, if you change your mind, you know your dear old dad is always here to listen." He kissed the top of her head as he stood, pouring himself another cup of coffee. When he resumed his seat, he opened the newspaper, disappearing behind its pages as Tonks sat silently, brooding._

"_I got dumped," she finally blurted out._

_He laid down the paper slowly. "What?"_

"_Jeremy owled me last night after you and Mum went to bed. He doesn't think it's working out," she said bitterly. "The git hopes we can be friends when we go back to Hogwarts. Friends, my arse." She crossed her arms petulantly, warding away the hurt._

"_Oh, sweetheart. He's a right idiot. Teenage boys usually are. I should know, I was one."_

"_Don't, Dad," she snapped. "You don't understand."_

"_I'm sorry. Would you like me to order a hit on the lad?"_

_A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Maybe." The slightest quiver appeared in her voice as she continued softly. "I really fancied him, y'know?"_

_Her dad stood, pulling her along with him and folding her in his arms. Tonks longed for the days when it seemed as if nothing could hurt her from the safety of her daddy's arms. "I know you did, sweetheart."_

"_I just don't understand. Maybe if I had done something differently, if I had dropped the stupid pink hair and gone with blonde or –"_

"_Nymphadora Tonks, I'm ashamed of you." He pulled away, looking at her sternly. "Don't ever change the way you look for a boy. Do you hear me? You have a wonderful gift, and you should only use it the way you want. You are perfect the way you are."_

"_Dad," she whined, embarrassed. "You're my father. You have to say that."_

"_I have to say it, but I don't have to mean it, and I do." He brushed away a few stray tears from her cheeks. "If Jeremy doesn't want to be with you, it's his mistake. And despite what your mother says, I love your pink hair, just as much as your brown."_

At the foot of the stairs she and Remus meet her mother, her face devoid of any expression or emotion. She, too, is pulling on a cloak over her black dress robes.

"Do you feel okay, sweetheart?" Andromeda asks.

She nods, standing numbly while her mother fusses over her with Remus. She normally hates being treated like a child, but at this moment it's one thing that is reassuringly familiar. Part of her feels so very young, quite unlike the married soon-to-be-mother that she is. And it makes her own mother feel better, which is desirable.

"I'm glad these fit. You've grown so much lately I was afraid you would need new maternity robes," Andromeda says absently, straightening and smoothing the black robes that barely cover her daughter's belly.

She looks down, running a hand over her stomach again. The material is soft under her palm, but she never liked plain black robes, preferring colored ones.

"_There she is! There she is!"_

_Tonks heard the shouts of her parents through the crowd, and she slipped past other sets of family members searching for their loved ones. After ducking under the outstretched arm of a very tall, very loud man, she met up with her parents, both faces beaming._

"_You were wonderful, sweetheart!" her mother exclaimed, nearly squeezing the life out of her daughter in a strong embrace, then kissing her cheek. "Let me see your certificates."_

_Tonks held up the two rolls of parchment, one with the traditional logo of the Ministry of Magic declaring her a graduate of the Auror Academy, the other more unexpected. "Most Improved, can you believe it? Of course we all know what it really means: took her two tries to pass Stealth and Tracking, no one thought she'd make it, but she did, by Merlin! Who did she bribe?"_

"_Don't be ridiculous, Nymphadora," her mother scolded gently, pride shining on her face. "It's lovely that they recognized all the effort you put into the last three years."_

"_Yes, you quite worked your bum off," her father added._

"_Worked my arse off? Reckon I ought to grow a new one, then," Tonks joked, so ecstatic to finally be an official Auror that she didn't care that she was making the lamest of jokes._

"_Let's take a picture," Mum urged, taking the camera from her father. "You two first, and then we'll get someone to take one of all three of us."_

_Dad threw an arm over her shoulders, and Tonks leaned into him, both grinning with joy. After the flash, he tugged at her new robes as her mother found someone to take a picture._

"_Maroon suits you," he said, gesturing at the robes._

"_I hope so," she replied proudly. "I'm never taking them off, even if they did clash with my pink hair. I suppose the blonde worked just as well."_

"_It does work. You were beautiful up there." He hugged her tightly. "I'm so proud of you."_

She follows her husband and mother outside into the garden, walking awkwardly. It's too dangerous to try to go anywhere else, so they have to settle for a small gathering at their house in memorial. The March day is cold, as Remus said, the gray clouds and gusty wind matching her soul.

Remus stands by her side, fingers entwined, and she leans gratefully against his thin but strong frame. Despite all they've been through, she doesn't know what she would do without him. If she lost him, too ... and she forces herself to turn away from that line of thought. It's unthinkable. She can't handle anything else. He's here now, and once that was all she wanted.

"_Are you sure?"_

_Tonks turned around to see her father leaning against the door frame, handsome in his dress robes. Her mother had gone to check on Remus, so it was just the two of them._

"_Yes," she replied in a clear voice. "Are you here to talk me out of it?"_

_He took a moment to respond, fiddling with the flower in his lapel. "Every father only wants the best for his daughter," he finally said in a measured tone that told her he considered his words carefully. "The very, very best. It's almost painful to accept anything less."_

"_Daddy," she said, crossing the room to take his hand in hers. The long-disused name made him look up in surprise. "He is the best for me. I'm positive." _

"_I wish I was as certain as you."_

"_He's a good man, Dad," she protested, her ire rising. Were they really about the have the same old quarrel minutes before her wedding? How many arguments did it take to get two people down the aisle?_

"_I know." The strength of his agreement caught her by surprise. He really meant it. "I know that Remus Lupin is a good man. He's kind, he has morals and values, and he wants the best for you as much as I do."_

"_He loves me." A involuntary smile crept across her face, the idea that he truly did love her still so new and amazing. "I'm loved. If it's enough for me, it should be enough for you. Money and jobs and prejudices ... we'll work it out."_

_He brushed hair away from her eyes. "Dora, I know you will, but the road won't be easy. I've been there, you know. Money and jobs and prejudices – they're harder than you think."_

"_It's your fault, Dad." She hit him on the shoulder affectionately. "The product of a love story like you and Mum? Of course I had to choose a difficult romance. Where's the fun in easy?"_

_He grinned, shaking his head. "Well, if you're sure."_

"_I'm sure," she replied confidently._

_He embraced her tightly, crushing the flower between them. "You'll always keep a spot in your heart for your old man, won't you?"_

_Tonks laughed. "Of course. You were here first."_

Everyone who is attending is gathered in the garden now, and they take turns saying a few words. Arthur and Molly. Bill and Fleur. The twins, somber for once. Kingsley. Hagrid. She yearns for Mad-Eye to be there. And Dumbledore, and Charlie, and Harry.

She wishes she could find the words to thank them all for coming. Remus is next, and then her mother. Andromeda's words are particularly heartbreaking, and she can barely get through them. And suddenly it's her turn, and now she wishes she could find any words. Anything. Her throat is dry, and her mind is blank. What could she possibly say? Sometimes no words are adequate.

_Tonks sat at the kitchen table, her hands wrapped around a mug of tea. She tried to limit her caffeine, but sometimes she just needed a cuppa. The familiarity of the warm cup was almost as comforting as the drink itself. She waited until the first rays of dawn began to peek over the horizon._

_Her father appeared at the foot of the stairs, a large rucksack on his back. If he was surprised to see her, he didn't show it. "Where's Remus?"_

"_Sleeping. I saw no need to wake him. Where's Mum?"_

"_Upstairs. We said our goodbyes." He hesitated. "She'll need you."_

"_She needs you," Tonks retorted, willing herself not to cry. Damn hormones. She stood up, the slight bulge in her belly only visible at the closest inspection. "I need you. My baby needs you."_

_She almost thought she had him there as his expression softened. He was thrilled about his grandchild. "I'll be back in time to see him."_

"_So sure it's a boy," she teased._

"_Of course. Ted Lupin."_

_They both laughed. "I'll make you a deal, Dad. Stay here, and I'll name it after you, boy or girl."_

_He smiled ruefully. "It's a tempting bribe, but I can't stay, sweetheart. They're looking for me. I'm a danger to you all."_

"_For Merlin's sake, you sound like Remus," she snapped, losing her temper. "Leave the bloody Gryffindor noble bullshit to him. Isn't that enough for one house? I'll keep you safe."_

"_While growing my grandson? I'm afraid you can't this time. You've always been strong, and you need to be now more than ever. Be strong for your mother. Be strong for your child."_

_Tonks bit her trembling lower lip, trying to keep her voice steady. It wasn't supposed to be this way. She was an Auror, sworn to protect others. He was her father, and he had always been there for her. No one was in their proper place anymore. "I – I can't do this without you, Daddy, I ..." She broke, one sob escaping._

_He pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair. "Shh, sweetheart, don't cry. I haven't been able to bear you crying since you were a wee tyke. Listen to me. This is only temporary. The war will be over soon, and I'll be home in time for you to name your baby after me."_

_She laughed shakily, brushing at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Well, okay."_

"_Let Remus take care of you. I know it will be hard, you've always been independent, but there isn't much a man can do when his wife is pregnant so let him help you as best he can. Listen to your mother on everything except naming your child. She knows what she's doing."_

_She kissed his cheek briefly before pulling back, looking into the eyes that matched her own. "You'll come back."_

"_I promise," he said, nodding and trying to smile. "I love you, sweetheart. My little girl."_

"_I love you, too. Goodbye, Daddy."_

Finally realizing the only thing she can say at what passes for her father's funeral, Tonks takes a deep breath, running one hand over the bump that is Teddy Lupin as she gazes at a picture of her dad.

"Goodbye, Daddy."


End file.
